That’s what Talon said to me this morning.
While on vacation, I got to spend all day with my kids. It made me realize how much time I’ve missed with them. Cohen just turned one and I only spent six weeks with him before going back to work and putting him in daycare. Talon will be turning four in just a few months. Time is flying by and they won’t be little forever. I don’t want to blink and see them driving a car, moving out and leaving me to live their own life. Talon is going to school in two years, and Cohen’s right behind him. I want to enjoy the moments with them while they will still let me.
Most nights I come home from working all day, tired and grumpy… Ready for a glass of wine (or a bottle), Netflix and bed. Some days I forget how much they need me to be happy, playful and affectionate. They need more than just a bedtime routine and a kiss goodnight.
No mother, or father, can be perfect and on their game 24/7. We have to be willing to forgive ourselves for the downfalls. There’s been times where I’ve lost my cool and said some things I shouldn’t have;
“I don’t have time for this,”
“Hurry up, we gotta go, mommy’s gonna be late.”
“Why can’t you just do what I say?!”
“I give up, I can’t nurse him anymore!”
“Mommy just needs a minute, please!”
In those moments I throw my hands up… I have to remind to myself that they’re just kids and I’m the adult here.
Motherhood is constant work, it never ends. Half of the time, I don’t know what I’m doing. It gets more difficult and easier every day in different ways. My mood changes daily as do theirs. I cater to their mood and needs as best I can. Unfortunately, it’s NEVER the other way around. I have and will continue to have off days because they’ll forget about my outburst almost immediately. But, I can only pray they don’t end up in therapy because of me.
I hate mornings like today, because I want to cry dropping them off at daycare. I wish I could spend the day with them; cuddling, playing in the rain, watching cartoons and baking cookies. I pray the week goes by fast so we can spend the weekend together.
This vacation made me realize how much happier I am without being tied to my work schedule. I was more fun to be around, and in return, made them more fun to be around. They feed off of my energy.
My mother always tells me that, and she’s right (which she doesn’t hear from me very often)… But it’s true.
After reflecting and talking with Kyle, I’ve decided to take Cohen out of daycare to have more time with the boys and work on some new projects. This upcoming chapter is making me feel anxious, happy and excited. I’m taking the big leap, so wish me luck!
We celebrated Cohen turning one last weekend with the people and things that we love.
Here’s to all the mothers who work, as well as the mothers who stay at home. I pray you always have a bottle of wine on standby + may the odds be ever in your favor.